my attempt at something heartwarming

Dear Michael, Freddy, Jason, Ghostface (both of you), Leatherface, Harry, Mandy, Pinhead, Angela (you sexy beast), Billy, Death, Pennywise, Jigsaw, Leslie, and all the rest of you fuzzballs, You can't hide the truth from me. I know too much, seen you do your thing one too many times. Yeah, you're killers, (glossing right over that) but deep inside, you're all heart. Each and every one of you. I'm pretty sure you've got everyone else fooled, that's just how good you play your game. You've got everyone thinking you're demigods doling out punishment to those who sin[...]